The sick/bad joke thread

[dhula]

As a few sick/bad jokes have been psoted up and everyone has had a good laugh at them I thought it might work if you made a sticky for all of these kinds of jokes/ Perhaps Cam can drag all the previous ones into this thread and have them all in one place. Not sure.

I recon one of the rules should be that no matter how sick/bad you find the joke you are not allowed to flame the poster of the joke.
Another rule should be that there is a line that should not be crossed, don't know where the line should be drawn (maybe we can work that out as we move along) but there should be one.

Anyway, here is my contribution (maybe this is guna be the line)

A bit of background to this joke first.
I was in a Bunnings car park in a suburb of Hobart a few years ago when a old fella came and started talking to me about my car and trailer. To cut a long story short he ended up telling me this

How do you circumcise a Tasmanian?
v

v

v

v

v

v

v

Kick his sister in the jaw.

[gus]

I really like the idea ,but where does the line get drawn.What fine by me might upset the next person or visa versa. Hate to see someone
that posts something up that "tars" them forever. I guess that's a dollar each way isnt it. Its like 2WA said to me once, everybody here is
different that's what makes it interesting .Some people here i feel i know well ,others i dont know at all ,they might be the sensitive one's
Good idea, too hard to police ?


Here we go ,where's this going to end up.

[Reardo]

Thought of the week..Once upon a time a rooster and a cat were walking alongside a stream and the cat fell in upon seeing this the rooster laughed.......MORAL OF THE STORY.......For every wet pussy there's a happy cock !!

[2wheelsagain]

I recon one of the rules should be that no matter how sick/bad you find the joke you are not allowed to flame the poster of the joke. Another rule should be that there is a line that should not be crossed, don't know where the line should be drawn (maybe we can work that out as we move along) but there should be one.

I agree we should have a joke section but think we currently sensor each other pretty well in all the other forums and threads.
Personally if I offend someone I'd like to know about it. There is one forum I rearly visit that has a free for all, anything goes joke section and the content is why I rearly log on. The off (to me) jokes are from one person mainly but it taints the whole site in my oppinion.

By all means lets have a joke section but expect a whipping from a few of us if its over the limit.

This site shows we like a bit of ribbing and banter and a couple of people cop it more than most but I think we know where to draw the line.

[aussiejay]

I recon one of the rules should be that no matter how sick/bad you find the joke you are not allowed to flame the poster of the joke. Another rule should be that there is a line that should not be crossed, don't know where the line should be drawn (maybe we can work that out as we move along) but there should be one.

I agree we should have a joke section but think we currently sensor each other pretty well in all the other forums and threads.
Personally if I offend someone I'd like to know about it. There is one forum I rearly visit that has a free for all, anything goes joke section and the content is why I rearly log on. The off (to me) jokes are from one person mainly but it taints the whole site in my oppinion.

By all means lets have a joke section but expect a whipping from a few of us if its over the limit.

This site shows we like a bit of ribbing and banter and a couple of people cop it more than most but I think we know where to draw the line.

Oh bugger, well the only jokes I know are likely to offend everyone, so rather than risk that i'll offend no one..hehehehehe

[Saikhan]

I recon one of the rules should be that no matter how sick/bad you find the joke you are not allowed to flame the poster of the joke. Another rule should be that there is a line that should not be crossed, don't know where the line should be drawn (maybe we can work that out as we move along) but there should be one.

I agree we should have a joke section but think we currently sensor each other pretty well in all the other forums and threads.
Personally if I offend someone I'd like to know about it. There is one forum I rearly visit that has a free for all, anything goes joke section and the content is why I rearly log on. The off (to me) jokes are from one person mainly but it taints the whole site in my oppinion.

By all means lets have a joke section but expect a whipping from a few of us if its over the limit.

This site shows we like a bit of ribbing and banter and a couple of people cop it more than most but I think we know where to draw the line.

+1

[Reardo]

"I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up."

[2wheelsagain]

[rolls]

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size...
This is considered a major social breakthrough because it solves women's complaints that men are always staring at their breasts, but never listening to them.


Two hillbillys sitting on the porch.
One says to the other, "I hear the wedding is off between John Boy and the young Clampett girl from over the hill."
The other says, "Yep, she's a virgin."
"Well that's good reason to call off the hitching. If she ain't good enough for her own family she ain't good enough for ours."



Beware Scam at Bunnings
A warning for those of you who may be regular Bunnings customers.
This one caught me by surprise. Recently I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get hardware has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your timber and hardware. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy tops. It is impossible not to look...
When you thank them and offer them some cash, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they get in the backseat.
On the way, they remove all of their clothes and start making out. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you. She then takes off your pants and throws them into the backseat. While the one is keeping you distracted the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen July 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, then again on the 17th, 20th, 24th & 29th. Also, August 1st, 7th, twice on the 8th, and again on the 16th, 23rd, 26th, 30th. Then on September 6th, 11th, 14th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Target has wallets on sale $4.99 each

[Re-Cycled]

This is considered a major social breakthrough because it solves women's complaints that men are always staring at their breasts, but never listening to them.

[2wheelsagain]

Beware Scam at Bunnings

Very good

[Big Al]

A Queensland farmer drove to a neighbors’ farmhouse in his
Holden ute, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?" said the farmer.
"No mate, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No mate, he went with Mum and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one
foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools
are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk
to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie
pregnant".

The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad
about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I
don't know how much he charges for Howard."

[rolls]

Since Susan Boyle has been on International TV there's been a marked drop in suicide bombings globally.
Apparently, a lot of the terrorists didn't realize what a virgin looked like.


My Grandfather has Parkinson's disease - he can't stop interviewing people.


Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze.
1st Hillbilly says: 'My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. '
2nd Hillbilly says: 'Why is that stupid?'
1st Hillbilly says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!'
2nd Hillbilly says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one ar them new fangled warshin ' machines!'
1st Hillbilly says: 'Why is that so stupid?'
2nd Hillbilly says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'!'
3rd Hillbilly says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yerwifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fersome change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.'
1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?'
3rd Hillbilly says: 'She ain't got no dick

[Desert Bandito]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several minutes and then asked him, 'How does that feel'?

Feels great, he replied, but I still think my thumb's broken!

[2wheelsagain]

Feels great, he replied, but I still think my thumb's broken!

I hate golf but I could learn to like it

[Saikhan]

Feels great, he replied, but I still think my thumb's broken!

[2wheelsagain]

An oldie but a goodie

[Big Al]

An old man marries a young woman and they are deeply in love.
However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never
achieves orgasm so they decide to ask a sex therapist for advice. The
therapist listens to their story and makes the following
suggestion:
"Hire a strapping young man and while the two of you are making love
have the young man wave a towel over you, as though he is fanning you
both. Make sure he is totally naked and she can see his manhood as he
fans you both with the towel. That will help your wife fantasise, and
should bring on a full-blown orgasm. "
They go home and follow the therapist's advice. They hire a handsome
young man and he strips off and enthusiastically waves a towel over
them
both as they make love. But it doesn't help and still the wife is
unsatisfied and frustrated.

Perplexed, they go back to the therapist. "Okay", he says, "let's try
it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the
towel over them. "

Once again, they follow the advice. The young man gets into bed with
the wife and the husband waves the towel. The hired hand really works with
great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking,
screaming, creaming orgasm. Smiling, the husband drops the towel, taps
the young man on the shoulder and says to him, triumphantly:
"THAT'S how you wave a f*cking towel, sonny! ! ! !

[2wheelsagain]

^^ Gold

[Desert Bandito]

Keep hitting the play button.
http://www.worktobejudged.com/strippause/peca.html

[Reardo]

Keep hitting the play button.
http://www.worktobejudged.com/strippause/peca.html

Seen it before DB, and it still pisses me off. Yes its a bad bad joke!

[NZer11]

A Touch of Gas

A little old lady goes to her doctor and explains, "I have this problem
with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.

She goes on to say, they never smell and are always silent. As a matter
of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your
office and you didn't even notice that I did because they don't smell
and are silent."

"I see" says the doctor, "Take these pills and come back to see me next
week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know
what you gave me, but now my farts -- although still silent -- stink
terribly."

The doctor says, "Excellent, now that we've cleared up your sinuses,
let's work on your hearing...."

[Big Al]

[Big Al]

"Morning Sex"

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only
The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said
Softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
Or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then
Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
Her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

[rolls]

A Man and a Woman go into the deep dark Forrest.
The Man says "I wish I brought a torch!"
The woman says "So do I. You've been eating grass for the last ten minutes!"

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