STIFF NIPPLES 1

Q: What’s the luckiest you can get with your clothes on?

A: Cracking an invite to join the Stiff Nipples Run, a 10-day, 4 000 km road trip through the chilly South African (SA) winter.
 
Hence, Stiff Nipples Preparation (and we thought you were talking about pharmaceuticals – Ed).
 
I will ride the solitary Suzuki among a gaggle of Triumphs, a KTM, a Ducati, and the inevitable BMW.  

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Stiff Nipples Prep is challenging as I’ve got to get the Bandit from crashed to trip-ready in one hit, with the clock counting down. She got rammed from behind in a hit-and-run some weeks ago. I’ve managed just 200 km of shakedown testing since collecting her from the repair shop, and with the deadline looming I have to gamble my mates at Club House Motorcycles in Johannesburg did everything right first time. The Bandit’s performance during the trip will show how they scored.
 
Apart from crash repairs, Stiff Nipples Prep involves a service, new tyres, aftermarket heated grips in anticipation of cold conditions, and an increase in my luggage capacity. I have soft panniers already. To add to this, I buy a roll-top bag to lash down to the pillion saddle. The saddlebags are assigned quick-access items, such as a rain suit and puncture repair tools, while the roll-top bag swallows the clothing. Lash it down using the bungee bobbins on the tailpiece and the bungee points under the passenger’s foot pegs, and you’re good to go.
 
When packing luggage, use zip-lock plastic bags. Underwear in one bag, T shirts in a second, jeans in a third, etc. Stuff the zip-lock bags into your roll-top bag or saddlebag, and managing your clothing becomes a cinch.
 
If you too use soft panniers, make the over-the-saddle straps short so the panniers ride high. Mine keep slipping down and riding on the silencer. Good thing they’re made of quality material, or they’d have burnt through by now.   
 
I’m cold-blooded (you’re a sissy – Ed), which is how I justify the extravagance of fitting aftermarket heated grips. In addition, I previously had a lower-fairing fitted, to extend the Bandit’s S fairing into a full fairing. Even with these, I still feel the cold. I can’t imagine how it would have been without them.
 
Thus prepped, the Bandit looks shiny and invitingly trip-ready. Of course, she won’t stay shiny for long. This is a road trip, not a concours.
 

The Bandit looks shiny and invitingly trip-ready, but of course she won’t stay shiny for long.


Sleeps count down. Departure date dawns. The assembly point is the coffee shop of trip leader Clive’s missus Mandy, and here we are introduced to the cast of characters. Ladies and gents, give it up for (FX: Drum roll…)
 

• ·         Clive – Triumph Tiger 800
  
• ·         Mandy – Ducati 800 Scrambler
  
• ·         Chris – Triumph Tiger 900
  
• ·         Andrew – Triumph Tiger 900
  
• ·         Paul – BMW R1200 RT
  
• ·         Bruce – KTM 1290 Adventure
  
• ·         Yours Truly – Bandit 1250
  
• ·         (Guest appearance, later in the script) Chris – Honda Africa Twin 1100
  
• ·         (Guest appearance, later in the script) Alan – BMW F800 GS (or was it a 900?)
  
• .      (Guest appearance, later in the script) Greg – Triumph Trophy 1200
  

 
The adventure bikes will take gravel sections where gravel ops arise. Natch, the roadies will stick to tarmac.

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On the cool am of Friday 10 June 2021, engines fire up and wheels roll. The seven-motorcycle procession makes its way onto the ring of highways that circle the perimeter of Johannesburg. A bloody sun bores through the smog blanket that envelopes the unbeautiful city. Thus far it’s not really cold. The bikes do inevitably get separated in the morning traffic but all one has to do is follow the N12 to Kimberley, the remote desert town that ignited the diamond frenzy in the 1800s.
 
Being a motorcycle incel (INvoluntary CELibate) for a few years, places me in a time warp. A Bandit offers mod cons such as, erm, handlebars, footpegs, etc. Their bikes, by contrast, are loaded with GPS & connectivity gizmos. That makes things easier for me, as I don’t have to navigate. I just follow the bike in front of me.
 
Day One’s strategy is to bludgeon away at highways to get clear of Johburg and into the country, before adopting a pace suited to a scenic tour. Thus, the first day’s riding is rather unadventurous. The monotonous road leads to Bothaville (“BOOR-ta-ville””), an unremarkable town serving as a farming hub. Newbie me gets a chance to feel out the group. These guys are adults. They make sure the last bike is as involved with the ride as the leader.



Newbie me gets a chance to feel out the group. 

 
Bothaville to Hoopstad (“HOORP-stut”; Hopetown), Hertzogville and Boshof (”BOSS-hoff”) pass by as the first day’s ride aims to get kays behind us and bring the interesting stuff closer. But it’s not all plain sailing. Thanks to this @#*!!  province’s inept government, the secondary road is seriously potholed. We have to counter-steer to aim for the tar between the potholes.
 
In a group you’re responsible to the man behind you. If his headlight isn’t in your mirror, it’s your responsibility to wait for him. The headlight behind me is that of BMW-mounted Paul, but he keeps allowing daylight to come between my mirror and his light. When his speed drops to a ridiculous-for-SA 110 km/h it becomes apparent something is wrong. And wrong it is. He rammed a pothole and buckled the front rim. The BMW electronics alert him the front tyre pressure is dropping.
 
We stop to give the BMW first aid, and remount to lead Paul’s limping BMW into Kimberley’s Kalahari Lodge that is the first night’s stop.
  
Kimberley may not be high on anyone’s holiday destination list, but it has some history. It is a diamond mine of note. It appears to have a crater. That crater isn’t anything that happened naturally. 19^th century miners frenziedly dug out a huge pit in the earth, that became known as the Great Hole of Kimberley. Kimberley also has some historical value as a battlefield, where the Boers (Afrikaans nation descended from Dutch settlers) and the British had a shootout or two.
 
For tonight, our interest in Kimberley is limited to the more immediate matter of currency exchange, as in, parting with money at the bar. 



In the boozer, bragging how fast we are, L-R: Dismembered hand of trip leader Clive (Tiger 800); Chris (Tiger 900); Paul (BMW R1200 RT); Andrew (Tiger 900), yours truly (Bandit)

Next am we hunt for a repair shop. It will emerge that the car tyre people in the town prove quite capable of repairing (“straightening”, in SA parlance) the BMW rim, and even painting it. Paul (BMW 1200 RT), accompanied by trip organiser Clive (Tiger 800) and his wife Mandy (Ducati Scrambler), stay in Kimberley half the day to attend to the repair, sending the rest of us in advance to the second day’s stop.
 
The second day’s stop is in a place called Melton Wold. You’ll read about it in the next post. The aim is to get you to crack open a Fosters and start planning a trip of your own.
 
Regards
Stan L
South Africa

Once again a great write-up .................I hasten to add , we hope it stays warm enough to avoid any stiff nipples , and the inevitable photos that would surely follow   .

paul wrote:..stiff nipples , and the inevitable photos that would surely follow   .

Thankee kindly, ther'es a Paul in the group, namesake perchance?

I like the lack of technology, I like to not worry about missing a corner, it will still be there when I come back.
Hope the Club House Motorcycles Team have done as good a job as can be expected, I'm sure they have.
Looks like a good ride, in good company,with good write ups.

Technology is over rated. Look around, not at a display
Sounds like a fun trip so far.