The Language of Road Tests

Remember when you used to pick up an actual magazine, repair to the porcelain throne, and page through the road tests? (Missus bangs on door: ”How much longer are you going to be in there…?”) 
 
The articles told you what the bikes were like to ride. They’d tell you how fast the bike was, how it handled, how it braked, how comfortable it was. An hour of write ups could make you the best informed oke in the pub.
 
No longer. The language has changed.  
 
My MATE (he’s the one who loaned me the dough to buy my Bandit in the first place!) buys a BMW K1600 GT, six cylinders and all. Missus and me go off to his place. After pigging out on free-to-us dinner, he takes me down to his garage to see and hear the 1600.
 
When we get home, I ask Aunty Google to tell me more about it.
 
And what do the tests talk about?
 
i-Phone compatibility, music system, navigation, easy-to-use phone call facilities, riding modes, switchability, traction control, reverse gear, electric screen height adjustment…  
 
What happened to the journos’ war stories? Overtaking while scraping in the bends? How it responded to a jerk on the bars when that maniac exited the bend wide and came at you on the wrong side of the road? How far it goes on a tank?
 
I’m not up for advertorial tech catalogues masquerading as road tests. What I want to know is what it’s like to ride.
 
 
Regards
Stan L
South Africa
(A country. Kingdoms are ruled by kings; principalities are ruled by princes. South Africa is a country.)

Hi Stan,
The "don't mention speed, 1/4 mile time etc" started back in the early 70's down here. The cries that came from the Safety Society when Holden & Ford had cars capable of 160mph , stock down here. Those cars these days are at an eye watering $$$$ level.
The majority of the following generations of males have been neutered by the drive of a safety first mentally.
No longer having the urge to grow a big hairy set or just big set, push the envelope, get the adrenaline rush or broken bone/ scars etc & have tales of FAARRKK to tell & I'm talking from push bike level.
Mentioning the outright power, handling, braking etc is severly frowned upon by the SS as all of those things create a subliminal message of speed, rebellion & F $ck you.

Besides they have computer games where they do all of that,
cleanly,
in the favourite chair,
be dry & in the AC,
and just stop it all when mummy calls" dinners ready", even if they are 27yo & still at home.
Car are no better either, look at all the features on cars to try & cover anything that an idiot could possibly do.
My 87 yo ,Dad , both knees & 1shoulder replaced & riddled with arthritis, passed his motorcycle & car licence practical test the other week. He was better than Learners trying to pass the skills test.
I'm old school, hairy, proud & have plenty of FAARRKK tales.
Don't know if this rant covers it, but , my fingers are sore from typing so I must end. Must be Old Gen Hands with broken fingers etc wonder how I got those, oh yeah, that's right

Unfortunately the world has changed .... some things for the better, but for the do /fix it yourself,and have a go and experience life generation , sadly some things may be lost forever . I love the feeling of riding and being in control of my own enjoyment and fate ...... something I hope I never have to give up , but I must admit it has become very easy to get used to and rely on all the bells and whistles our new generation car posesses when driving .

Stan L wrote:Remember when you used to pick up an actual magazine, repair to the porcelain throne, and page through the road tests? (Missus bangs on door: ”How much longer are you going to be in there…?”) 
 
The articles told you what the bikes were like to ride. They’d tell you how fast the bike was, how it handled, how it braked, how comfortable it was. An hour of write ups could make you the best informed oke in the pub.
 
No longer. The language has changed.  
 
My MATE (he’s the one who loaned me the dough to buy my Bandit in the first place!) buys a BMW K1600 GT, six cylinders and all. Missus and me go off to his place. After pigging out on free-to-us dinner, he takes me down to his garage to see and hear the 1600.
 
When we get home, I ask Aunty Google to tell me more about it.
 
And what do the tests talk about?
 
i-Phone compatibility, music system, navigation, easy-to-use phone call facilities, riding modes, switchability, traction control, reverse gear, electric screen height adjustment…  
 
What happened to the journos’ war stories? Overtaking while scraping in the bends? How it responded to a jerk on the bars when that maniac exited the bend wide and came at you on the wrong side of the road? How far it goes on a tank?
 
I’m not up for advertorial tech catalogues masquerading as road tests. What I want to know is what it’s like to ride.
 
 
Regards
Stan L
South Africa
(A country. Kingdoms are ruled by kings; principalities are ruled by princes. South Africa is a country.)

You’re looking in the wrong place. YouTube is where it’s at these days. No on the take jurno’s there. The Bike Show is worth a regular view but there will be dozens of. Dependents reviewing K1600’s I’m stalking BMW R1250RS’s at the moment.

Some of the things I've noticed that have also disappeared for road tests are power & torque curve graphs, gear ratios & speeds per gear, stopping distances from different speeds etc.

I guess these sorts of things aren't interesting to the modern motorcyclist these days.

GSX1100G wrote:The majority of the following generations of males have been neutered by the drive of a safety first mentally.
No longer having the urge to grow a big hairy set or just big set, push the envelope,  get the adrenaline rush or broken bone/ scars etc & have tales of FAARRKK to tell & I'm talking from  push bike level.
Mentioning the outright power, handling,  braking etc is severly frowned upon by the SS as all of those things create a subliminal message of speed, rebellion & F $ck you.

Besides they have computer games where they do all of that,
cleanly,
in the favourite chair,
be dry & in the AC,
and just stop it all when mummy calls" dinners ready", even if they are 27yo & still at home.
Car are no better either, look at all the features on cars to try & cover anything that an idiot could possibly do.

LOL, what a load of shite. Get out of your mobility scooter and go to a local track day - a majority of the riders will be under 30 and could tear you and me a new one in terms of pace, bravery and skill... 

And if we want to talk about why people do this on track rather than on the road, then we can discuss the absolute nanny state set up by the baby boomers. I went to uni 25 years ago with a woman who's dad was responsible for the over-the-top TAC ads that started running in the 90s. That was the beginning of the end of fun times on the road in Aus and the current fixation on taxing people by fining them hundreds for braking speed limits by 3km/h.

And why are they at home at 27 years old? Cos the current pool of "wise investor" retirees bought up all the properties in the late 90s and early 00s and now you have to save $200k for a deposit and the crippling stamp duty on some shitty 2 bedroom place in the 'burbs on the rare occasion that it comes up for sale. 
Rentals? Applying for one is like a mix between Battle Roayale and the lottery where 100 people turn up to a viewing and you can earn $120k per annum and still get treated like a peasant. Once you secure your 1 bedroom shoe-box you pay so much that you can't save the $200k you need to get your own place.

And I'm a middle-aged prick who has my own place, I'm just not willing to write young people off through total ignorance.

I get the impression your not in a good mood today. 

kelpie wrote:I get the impression your not in a good mood today. 

Yeah, all those damn millennials have me riled up. Why can't it just be like the good old days?

Let’s try to keep on topic before it turns into a prostrate issue pissing contest.

2wheelsagain wrote:Let’s try to keep on topic before it turns into a prostrate issue pissing contest.

Sorry. It's all good - I found my Tracey Grimshaw wank-tape and plan to bash one out to it to calm my nerves

Edit - back on topic:
44 teeth and Fortnine are both decent YouTube channels if you're missing good bike journalism.

Oh, looks like I missed a busy day .
Will only ever get a mobility scooter if it can have at least a 750 cc ICE grafted into it.
Tracey Grimshaw !?!?
At least here we can still air our thoughts without censored.

SRAD_Pitt wrote:44 teeth and Fortnine are both decent YouTube channels if you're missing good bike journalism.

Canyon Chasers is another good one!