SUZUKI BOLLOCKS

SUZUKI BOLLOCKS
 
Warning: The following makes light of a serious subject. If cancer is an issue in your family you may prefer to skip this post.  

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I had a cancer scare (seriously).
 
Last year I went to the doctor to report I had grown a third bollock.
 
It wasn’t sore all the time, but I was starting to wonder whether the time has come to get my affairs in order.

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Doc asks questions, examines the affected area, then sticks a needle into my arm and draws blood (it’s got a head on it).
 
A day later Wife’s phone rings.
 
Oh dear; Wife’s phone, not mine.
 
It is the doctor calling, and he’s calling Wife, not me.
 
The doctor is calling Wife to tell her I have…
 
Cholesterol.
 
Indeed, my cranberry juice has been screened and found clean as far as cancer goes. My sugars, salts and other flavourings are all within range. All I need to do is eat less.
 
That’s great to know, but what about the third bollock?

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Bollock # 3 comes and goes. It waxes and wanes. It announces its presence, and it hides discretely.

Weeks go past.
 
And I notice Bollock # 3 becomes more conspicuous when I manoeuvre that blooming great big Suzuki onto its centrestand.

The Third Bollock alternates between centre stage and backstage

And then I click.
 
Visit Aunt Google, enter Hernia and surely enough, the symptoms match.  
 
Hmm. If overstraining, two strands of tissue will part, and the strand behind these two will poke through. Somewhat like poking your thumb between index and middle fingers, but without the risk of a bloody nose.
 
Tomorrow I’m off to a different doc, and this time, with the aid of the Hardy Boys, I believe I will solve the Mystery of the Third Bollock.
 
He’ll probably bang it back into place with a hammer and nails and prescribe a bottle of brandy and a headache tablet afterwards (I use the discount clinic). 
 

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Now, the following may be useful.
 
How do you put your motorcycle onto its centrestand?
 
Intuition suggests, one foot on the stand and one on the ground, right?
 
Nope. That’s what gifted me the unwanted extra bollock. Especially when, like me, you automatically use your left foot after the right one was panelbeaten some years ago.
 
Tip:
·         Place your right foot onto the centrestand
·         Shift all your weight to your right foot
·         Position your left foot so you can get it onto the deck quickly if you start to feel unsteady  
·         Now, with all your weight on your right foot and your right hand on the grab rail, the bike will more easily pivot onto the centrestand
 
Try this and see if it saves you from a bollock replacement (I’ll let you know how mine goes).

It sounds like a new doctor is a good idea   . I was informed some time ago by someone ( can't remember who , so anyone can take the credit if you like ) that putting the bike on the center stand using all your weight as you described is the correct way , as you are using your weight to activate the stands pivot point and not your muscles................or in your case , your third nut . 

paul wrote:It sounds like a new doctor is a good idea   . I was informed some time ago by someone ( can't remember who , so anyone can take the credit if you like ) that putting the bike on the center stand using all your weight as you described is the correct way , as you are using your weight to activate the stands pivot point and not your muscles................or in your case , your third nut . 

I was told it should be a combination of foot pressure on the stand and a lift using the footpeg bracket as a handle at the same time, I've found that is much easier than all of your weight on the stand

Chook wrote:

paul wrote:It sounds like a new doctor is a good idea   . I was informed some time ago by someone ( can't remember who , so anyone can take the credit if you like ) that putting the bike on the center stand using all your weight as you described is the correct way , as you are using your weight to activate the stands pivot point and not your muscles................or in your case , your third nut . 

I was told it should be a combination of foot pressure on the stand and a lift using the footpeg bracket as a handle at the same time, I've found that is much easier than all of your weight on the stand

You are correct , a gentle lift of the bike is also required ( I omitted that point ) , my point was to avoid using your leg , arm and in this case testicle muscles to manhandle the bike onto the center stand .

BanditDave wrote:Howdy Stan,
I had a hernia, not unlike yours but a bit further north near my belly button...
...Let’s hope that my angelic looking nurse has a sister over where you live.

Remember all this? I'm finally off to get it nailed back into place. This coming Wednesday they do the nip & tuck.  

There are two options. The wealthier clients get a professional surgeon plus anaesthetic. The budget customer gets an apprentice carpenter who uses a hammer and chisel to force the affected bits back into place, and gives you a beer afterwards.

Money doesn't grow on trees, you know. I'm taking Option B.