An age milestone, should I feel sad, relieved or happy?

I'm seriously feeling confused today, I don't know what to feel.

Around the end of November 2019 my (1 year) younger brother Peter alerted me to the fact that just before my birthday in 2021 I'll be the same age Dad was when he passed away. It wasn't something I'd really thought about until then but the thought hasn't really left me since that day.


Dad passed away 09/04/1995, 5 days before his 57th Birthday, I can still remember the day like it was yesterday, it was a Sunday, I had finished the Sunday Mail round I was doing when Zac was a baby to help makes ends meet, getting home and knowing it was too early to visit Dad at Mary Potter Hospice, I felt badly putting myself to bed about 7:00-7:30 am after working since about 1:00am and not getting over to see him as early as I could have.

Late morning (or early afternoon) I was woken, mum had rung to say we should come to Mary Potter as soon as possible.


I freshened up quickly, we were rushing around and loading a 10 month old Zac into the car and getting ready to leave.


I can remember stepping onto the front veranda and getting a really weird feeling, I can then remember saying we don't need to rush, he's gone. Not long after that we got to Mary Potter Hospice and I can recall telling mum  the feeling I had, it was within a minute or two of when Dad took his last gasping breath.


RIP Dad
Malcolm Bly Button
b.14.04.1938 - d 09.14.1995
56 years and 360 days

I think somewhat all.
Sad for your Dads passing, relieved that you are here, happy for you & your family's events.
Now, if you could just get to bloody Tassie